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Do I need a Divorce Coach?

Going through a separation and divorce is so much more than a legal process. Divorce is the second most traumatic life experience, after losing a loved one. For many people, including myself, it really is an emotional train crash. During my divorce, the real challenges came from the emotions I was feeling, the anger, the regret, the depression, the fear, the shame, the humiliation, the pain.

Divorce coaching is pretty new to the UK – divorce coaches didn’t really exist when I went through my divorce. I wish they had!

There are so many reasons to work with a coach before, during or after your divorce, and here are just 10 of them:

I am trained to help you with the emotional aspects of your divorce. Your lawyer is not!

 Do you spend hours talking through your emotional aspects of your divorce with your lawyer? Are you going round and round in circles, unable to make decisions?  Your lawyer isn’t trained to help you with those aspects of your journey. I am, and I will cost you less per hour!

 You can work with me before the legal process has started, and after it ends

 I often work with people who are struggling with a very sudden ending, like a betrayal, an affair or a sudden announcement that a marriage is over. I will show you how to build yourself back up from the foundations, choose the right lawyer for you, and support you throughout the legal process and beyond. 

I can give you support that friends and family may not be equipped to give

Many people have a great group of friends who love and support them, which is fabulous of course.  I’m the first person to say that it’s vital to have a good network of support around you. However, your friends and family can sometimes fuel the fire, and you may stay stuck in your negative emotions – perhaps for you that’s anger, or depression, hopelessness or something else. I can show you ways to take back control of your feelings, your environment, and ultimately your life. You don’t need to stay stuck.

 I can help you keep your legal fees down – working with me is cost effective!

 At a time when you may feel unsure and uncertain about your financial situation, paying a coach may seem impossible. This is a false economy, because your emotions may cause your divorce to cost much more than it needs to. Through working openly and honestly with me you will be able to dial down those strong emotions and take back control, so that you can respond rather than react, see options and choices and make informed decisions.

When you give clear instructions to your lawyer, you keep your costs down and make the legal process less traumatic. Time spent with me will help to make time spent with your lawyer productive and focused.

 You will feel better quicker

 You will be able to move more quickly through the stages of the healing process, by dialling down your negative emotions, recovering from your heartbreak, and facing your fears.

 You will understand and be prepared for the parts of your divorce that might make you anxious

 I understand that meeting with lawyers, seeing your ex, or going to your first mediation session can be nerve-wracking and confusing. I will show you how you can prepare mentally and emotionally for meetings or mediation that may be causing you anxiety, to increase your confidence, resourcefulness and resilience.  

The work we did to help me prepare for my first mediation session was the only thing that got me through it. I felt calm and was able to keep control of my emotions. Thank you
— M, Somerset

You will be able to communicate more successfully with your ex

“In criminal law, you have bad people at their best, but in a divorce, you have good people at their worst.”

 I have strategies to help you communicate with your ex, respond rather than react, and break the cycle of conflict within an already stressful period – saving you significant amounts of money and minimising ongoing bitterness and antagonism.  

You will be able to redefine who you are, and create a new future you are excited to live

 Working with a coach can make the difference between simply surviving, and emerging from your separation with a new vision for your future. Instead of allowing your divorce to define you, you have the power to seize the opportunity to create a new, vibrant and exciting life full of hope and possibility.

 You can access impartial, non-judgemental, and compassionate guidance

 I have been through my own divorce, and I know how scary and traumatic it can feel. When you trust me to coach you through your divorce, you can know that I will always bring all of my experience, knowledge and training into every session, so that I can be the best coach I can be for you.

 When you work with me, you are investing in your future

I could have spent this money on a holiday and felt better for a couple of weeks. But the things you have shown me, and the changes you have helped me make I can take forward into the rest of my life
— K, Bath