Three ways to change how you feel in the blink of an eye

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Do you have those moments when you just feel really low, or lacking in energy? Moments when you would love a quick boost to change how you feel?

Have you ever heard of Tony Robbins’ triad of emotional change? No? Nor had I eleven years ago, but it’s one of the most fundamental parts of my coaching practice now.

Bring to mind someone you know who is always down. How do they stand? How do they sit? How do they talk? What sorts of words do they use? What do they talk about?

Now think about someone you know who is always happy. How do they stand? How do they sit? How do they talk? What sorts of words do they use? What do they talk about?

When you do this, what do you notice?

The mind and body are intrinsically linked, so when you change one you will effect change in the other.

Here’s a quick tool you can use anywhere to shift how you feel in the blink of an eye. You can transform your state and become more resourceful in the time it takes to snap your fingers. All you need to do is change one, two or (best of all) all three of these: your physiology, your language, and your focus.

If you don’t believe me, give it a go, and see what happens!

Change your physiology

“If you want to change your emotional state, start by changing your physical state” (Tony Robbins)

When you change how you are holding your body, you can effect immediate changes in how you feel.

Next time you feel low, notice how you are standing/sitting, and try any or all of these:

  • Put a HUGE smile on your face

  • Stand up with your arms outstretched over your head

  • Do 5 star jumps

  • Hold your head up high and your shoulders back

  • When you walk, look up so you can see the horizon

How do you feel afterwards?

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Change your language

“Change your words. Change your life.” (Tony Robbins)

The way you talk has a huge effect on you. The words and tone you use all have a big impact. How do you talk to yourself inside your head? Do you give yourself a hard time? Do you ask yourself questions that lead you down a negative spiral?

Try these tips, and see what difference it makes:

  • Change how you tell your divorce story. Read my blog on owning your story.

  • Instead of using your ex’s full name, use just their initial. Names have big emotional meaning, so by using just an initial, you will help yourself to disassociate from your feelings about your ex.

  • Ask yourself better questions – what can I do today to best support myself? Who could help me with this? What have I done today that makes me feel proud? If there was one good thing about this, what would it be? Stick these questions up around your house to remind yourself!

  • When you hear your inner critic coming out to play, stop and ask yourself what your best friend would say to you right now.

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Change your focus

Where focus goes, energy flows” (Tony Robbins)

Have you ever noticed that what you focus on you find more of? This means that when you focus on something negative, it affects how you feel in a negative way.

Try these tips and see what happens:

  • Shift your focus on to you. Create a list of all the things you like to do and make plans to do them

  • Adopt an attitude of gratitude. Gratitude is the antidote to negative emotion. Take a piece of paper and jot down all the good things in your life. Now concentrate on it for 30 seconds, and see how you feel

  • Read my blog on reframing and shifting your focus onto you

  • Stop telling your sad story, and talk about anything else – every time you tell your story, you relive the emotions, so prepare something else to talk about

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Do give these ideas a go – remember if you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always got, so if what you’re doing isn’t working, try anything else!

If you’d like to talk about how break up and divorce coaching can help you, please click below to find out more.

Claire Black