See your divorce as an opportunity

Perhaps your divorce feels like it’s the end of the world.  Although it is the end of your marriage, and it will bring change, it doesn’t have to be the end of your life.  Instead, it can be an opportunity to build a new and exciting future.

Another sunrise, another new beginning  - Jonathan Lockwood Huie

Another sunrise, another new beginning - Jonathan Lockwood Huie

When my husband left very suddenly, it was a massive shock.  The world as I knew it ended, and at first I felt bereft and overwhelmed.  But as time passed, I knew that I had to accept my new reality, and build my life again from the foundations up.  There was no way I was going to let this destroy me!  So I started to look at what I could do to make my life what I wanted it to be.

Divorce, however painful, gives the opportunity to try all sorts of new things.  You can get to know yourself again, explore who you are, and who you want to be.   Perhaps you have children, and you now have time when they are with their other parent.  You have time that you never had before.   Since my divorce, I have learnt to dance, I’m fitter and healthier than ever before, I’ve done a triathlon and numerous cycling events, and best of all I work for myself in a business I love and care passionately about.  What a brilliant outcome!

The end of a marriage inevitably brings change, and an end to the life you have known previously.  I understand that this might feel daunting, frightening, painful, and uncertain.  But every ending brings a new beginning – this is the beginning of the rest of your life.

So, time to reflect….  Ask yourself questions like:

  • What are you good at?

  • What do you love to do?

  • What do you dislike doing?

  • What makes you feel alive and happy?

  • What qualities do you have?

  • What do other people compliment you on?

  • Are there people you’d like to reconnect with?

  • Are there activities you’ve always wanted to do but haven’t been able to?

  • Are there places you want to go, things you want to see?

  • What would you like your life to look like in 6 months’/a year’s time?

  • What can you do now that you couldn’t do before?

Brainstorm your ideas on a big piece of paper.  Don’t worry about whether you think those things are realistic or not, just write them down.  Then pick 2 or 3 to concentrate on, and ask yourself what you could do to start making those ideas a reality.  What small steps could you take, right now, to start to achieve those goals?  Perhaps one of your goals is to get back in touch with friends you haven’t seen for a long time.  Your steps might be to a) make contact via email or Facebook, b) pick up the phone and call someone, and c) suggest you meet-up for a coffee.  Every time you take one of those small steps, make a new decision, or choose to do something new or different, it will become easier, and you will grow in confidence.

When my husband left 10 years ago, I never imagined that today I would be writing a blog on divorce as an opportunity, or that I would be able to build a business helping others to create new and vibrant lives after divorce.  I can honestly say that I now feel that my divorce was one of the best things that has happened to me.  It enabled me to learn about myself and grow.  I am a different person now.  The current me knows that I can handle anything that life throws at me, and more than that, I will learn, grow and develop as a result.    

You have the power to change your life, by consciously taking control.  The rest of your life is ahead of you, and you can make it yours.  Are you ready to take those first steps?